Yes! Vacation yet again. But I need your advice.

In not too many days I’m off to Amsterdam for the first time in my life. I’ve been reading up on Amsterdam, and have a pretty good idea of what I want to see.

Here’s the catch though. I’m not away for more than a couple of days so obviously I can’t go to all the museums I want to, without losing some shopping time. A girl has got to shop. A girl also needs new boots.

If you have been to Amsterdam, what do you recommend that I see/do? Remember I’m only there for a limited amount of time, so I don’t feel to inclined to wait in line outside a museum for hours (really want to see the Anne Frank museum, but I heard, that the line is Cuh-razy!).

I’m also going to a concert with norwegian band Röyksopp (in Denmark). This vacation is going to be awesome!

Felix the beauty queen.

There’s no easy way to say this, but I have oficially gone crazy.

Two days ago, I was reading the (Danish) news (in danish), and this little pop up thing came flashing up, all “HEY! LOOK HERE! DON’T YOU WANT TO ENTER YOUR CAT IN A BEAUTY CONTEST?”, and instead of reacting normally like “not on your life!” I thought “What a wonderful idea”. 

Yes I did.

So I clicked the damn thing and 1-2-3, easy peasy, hey presto, entered Felix in the contest.

I. Entered. My. Cat. In. A. Beaty. Contest. On. The. Internet.

In my defence I will say, that it’s not like I was actively researching a way to lose whatever little sanity I had left. Crazy internet can read minds, and placed the pop up for me to trip over. And it worked. Kudos internet, super villain of all time.

So now Felix is in a beauty contest, and I’m sure he’s got that thing down, because he is super cute, and as my friend Sasja commented “objectively speaking, all the other cats look creepy”, and I, of course, agree in a very objective way.

But - and I fear to say this, because then you will know I’ve lost it – someone keeps voting for all the creepy cats! That shit is RIGGED, I’m sure!

Because just look at this face:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw right?

Clearly the face of a winner.

So, if you want to vote for Felix (this might be hard, if you don’t understand danish, but give it a go if you have nothing else to do) go to www.catlounge.dk, click on the picture of a cat (not Felix) with a medal on it and then click stem på de andre smukke deltagere (vote for the other beautiful contestants), search for Felix, and look for the picture above, and give him your vote, and in return, Felix will love you forever. You can give him your vote every day. If you want to. Please.

Now I gotta go look for some marbels I seem to have lost,

Agony; thy name is wisdom tooth. (an entry going nowhere)

Hi, hello there, I’m back, did you miss me? I missed you guys! Not only am I back, I’m back with extra teeth (or tooth to be exact). Do you like it? I feel toothier. When I smile, it’s wall-to-wall teeth is what I’m saying, Crest throw me an endorsement deal or something.

Ok, to be perfectly honest, I was kind of hoping I would never get wisdom teeth. My school days are over, I have no use for them now (now that I know everything that is, ahem!), but suddenly at the ripe age of 29 someone decided: “you know what would be fun? MORE TEETH”. But do you know what’s not fun? Yeah, MORE TEETH. There’s no room for them in my mouth. Why can’t they continue living in my brain and take up all the extra wisom space, I have no use for (ok, so technically I’m not sure that’s correct, but since I’ve already boasted that I know EVERYTHING, you’ll just have to take my word for it).

Anyway, someone decided to grant me with a tooth while I wasn’t paying attention, which is most of the time, but, of course, they couldn’t just leave it on the doorstep, or send it down the river moses style. No, they placed it directly on top of ANOTHER tooth. A tooth that already lives in my mouth, and pays rent, and doesn’t play loud music or anything. I would tell the new tooth to find a place in the back, only there isn’t any back of my mouth left, just throat. Also, new tooth is digging into my cheek, possibly trying to get through to the other side and ultimately take over the world.

WHO NEEDS MORE TEETH NOW?  I’m really annoyed by it. It’s like getting something for free that you don’t really want. Like a flyer from Jehovas Witnesses. (I’m all for you guys, keep doing what you do as long as it makes you happy, but no thank you to the flyers. I’m not a religious person).

In case you don’t know where I’m going with this, I’ll give you a hint:

 

OW!

 

So I asked my dad the dentist how much it was supposed to hurt before I started contemplating getting rid of the damn thing, and my dad’s mouth said :

“Whenever you want”

But his eyes clearly said:

“Let’s get the sucker OUT!”

Which, you know, would be totally fine, except it would be me in the chair of PAIN! and AGONY! And my dad on the right side of the drill.

So right now, I don’t know what to do. But I kind of hope, this sudden appearance of tooth (like magic!) won’t get the rest any ideas, because then I’ll have to post an add on Craigs List:

“Extra tooth desperately seeking room for rent”.

Second entry in a day, everyone is amazed!

Well, not really an entry, just something real quick. (-ish).

See I have this friend, and this friend claims he doesn’t like animals, and soon he won’t like me either, because I am about to betray him BIG TIME!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you: THE GUY WHO HATES ANIMALS (drumroll)

  

   Gasp. Shriek. Faint (and so on).

Now I know what you’re thinking, how can the poor cat stand such torture? Turns out, a couple of days earlier (see the change of shirt.. and shorts… SHORTS), this devious human being had his first go at the cat. Also, Yasmin is a tough cookie:

Over and out.

Stupid things I’ve done during the past month (in chronological order).

1) Poured boiling hot pasta water on my hand.

 

I sat with my hand in ice water for an hour, but then went to the movies @ Filmstationen. While sitting there, my hand begun to sting again. Thankfully I had a cold beer to ease the pain.

 

2) Burned my arm on the oven while baking bread.

 

Now this is something I ALWAYS do. However, I do believe my oven is plotting to kill me, or at least take off my right arm. It has nothing to do with me being too lazy to bend down; it’s clearly the oven who is a complete psychopath. Also, it’s got shifty eyes, so there.

 

3) Scraped my elbow on a potato peeler.

 

Now, I’m kind of proud of this one, so if you could just give me a round of applause and then I’ll go on.

 

Waiting.

 

Waiting.

 

Aaaaw, thanks you guys. (shut up, I know I heard SOMEONE clapping).

 

I had just put the potato peeler off to dry, and then tried to get something of the top shelf in my kitchen cabinet, and as I lowered my arm (at 50 mph apparently) my elbow got caught on the potato peeler, and made a delightful ripping sound. Like so: RIIIIIIIIIIP. Imagine the sound of steel cutting into flesh, and you’ll get the idea.

And there was blood, and gore, GORE I tell you. And I would have taken a photo, but obviously I was busy bleeding to death, so that didn’t happen, but I’m kind of regretting it now, because now it has had time to heal, and looks like nothing, which ultimately makes me sound like big wuss. Which I may be. Who knows.

So I’ve decided against taking a photo now, because no one wants to look at a perfectly healthy and intact elbow, and if anyone deserves blood and gore, it’s definitely you. I know you love it.

 

4) Milk explosion extravaganza bonanza of 2009.

 

See last entry.

 

5) Forgot my cell phone at work. On a Friday.

 

This I managed to discover before I got home (yay me!), so I went back to get my phone, but also knew I would have tremendous pain in the ass work alarm to deal with.

Now, when you let yourself in at work, you’ll have to enter a password quickquickquick or the alarm will go off, and the security people will bill you 100 billion $.

Of course the password is a completely obscure combination of letters, numbers, dancing and waving of sage etc.

The password to the alarm is of course on my damn phone, because what the hell do I know about dancemoves (quite a lot actually), so I would have to let myself in, haul ass to my desk to get phone, haul ass back to the alarm and enter password, before being shot in the kneecaps, by nazi security people.

I took a short moment of zen outside the door, then waved my keycard  in deep concentration and ranranranranranran fastfastfastfastfast, and after a few feet I realized that the alarm had not gone off, alarm was silent, maybe even dead. So I went back, to see what was wrong, only to see my boss with a bewildered look on his face peeking out at me from his office, all “what’s the rush?” and “the alarm is not on you idiot!”.

Then followed delightful conversation of: “Ha,ha,ha, well I forgot my phone you see, and the password dance routine is on my phone, so… eeeeh, well ha,ha… ha?”

 

And that’s about…. It. I’ve probably forgot something, but you’ll just have to forgive me until I think of something else. In the meantime I will keep an eye out for shady kitchen appliances, and just, you know, try to be safe.

Soaked in MILK!

About a month ago when I was at my parent’s summerhouse, a friend and I decided to go for a walk. While walking, my friend wondered why I kept my eyes on the ground, instead of taking in the landscape.

 

Well, there is a very good reason for this. 1) I’m clumsy and 2) I fall down a lot. I’ve broken my arm falling over my own feet, and also once tore a ligament in my knee when I took a spill down two steps. I do fall anyway, but looking down is just a precaution, and I’d like to think, it at least takes down my trips to the emergency room by 50%.

(on a sidenote, remind me to tell you about the time I had to go to the emergency room for a hamster bite)

 

But yesterday, oh dear reader, yesterday I FORGOT to look down. I was careless, I was young and insane. The one thing that keeps my being alive completely went out the window.

I was looking for a very posh clothing store, an old colleague has opened, and which is located in a VERY fancy neighborhood. And I mean FAN – CY! He’s designed a dress for the crown princess of Denmark THAT kind of fancy. You can go see his work here http://www.yde-copenhagen.com/.

 So I’m walking along, carefree, maybe even humming a bit and looking at the store fronts and NOT my feet. And then suddenly, I SEE IT! His store. Bathed in a ray of sunshine! So I immediately lunge my 500 pounds off the sidewalk to cross the street, and step directly onto – not the street – but a carton of milk.

Not an empty carton, no, no, that would be crazy wouldn’t it? But a brand new carton of milk, filled with, well, milk.

SOMEONE LEFT AN ENTIRE FUCKING CARTON OF MILK ON THE STREET!

And the carton doesn’t just rip at impact, no, it EXPLODES and sends a cascading stream of milk all over me, which is bad enough, but I should be so lucky, shouldn’t I? So the main part of the liter, sprays directly up on – where else? –  my crotch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there I am. Standing in the street in a fancy neighborhood with milk soaked pants (and I’m sorry, but it drenched me to the skin) looking like a toddler who forgot to say “when”.

On top of all of this, I had to meet a friend right after, so I had to rush home to take a bath and change clothes.

Why do these things always seem to happen to me?

A well kept secret.

Tonight I’m going to the Filmstation, which is an old railroad building out where I live (in the ghetto), turned cinema every other thursday.

Not a lot of people know of it, but this is the place to go, if you’re into small films. Among others they’ve had this http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/ and this http://www.americandrugwar.com/.

It’s completely free, and they’ve even thrown in free pretzels. Beer and coffee is 10 Dkr.

Check it out if you ever come to Copenhagen, or if you want to do something different.

If you can read Danish, you can go to their website http://www.filmstationen.blogspot.com/.

 

On a different note; how do I do that savvy linking thing where I just write “GO HERE” and when you click that, you’re redirected to the website in question. I know I should know this, I’m still in my twenties after all, but somehow computer stuff just passes through my head. Nothing sticks.

Awesome summer holiday.

Well, as you can see, I’m back from Rørvig (little town up north), where I house and cat sat for my parents.

It’s good to be back, but I’d forgotten how overwhelming work can be some times, which is good, but also kind of stressful after 3 weeks of nothing.

I was alone for 5 days in the summer house with no tv or internet. It felt good to be doing something else with my time especially because the weather was really nice most of the time, but by the end of the fifth day I was having actual conversations with the cats.

I present to you:

 

FELIX! One of my partners in crime.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately he was busy with the chair (best friend ever apparently).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those of you who are not cat people, I have a couple of photos from the beach, landscape etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OH, I have a question for you. Do you like lavender?

 

 

 

 

 

 Why yes. Yes I do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that’s it for now.

Aaaah, it’s good to be back

Finally!

Everybody stop what you’re doing!

PUT THE FOOD DOWN. AND THE COFFEE. AND THAT PRICELESS MING DYNASTY VASE. (Dude, what are you doing carrying that around?)

This is my FINAL day at work before 3, THREE (count ‘em) weeks of blissful vacation.

I’ll see you when I get back.

Take care now.

A little something to do…

While I’m away on vacation, let me direct you to these pages, which I find highly amusing.

www.postcardsfromyomomma.com and www.textsfromlastnight.com.

Also my niece turned 3 yesterday. 2 hours was all I could take in a room full of screaming toddlers.  I consider that a breakthrough.